Radio: There IS Another Way

I sat behind a microphone and presented a radio show last night for the first time in over two years. I had a ball; there's a certain riding-a-bike thing that kicks in and takes over. I've always felt comfortable presenting radio shows, never intimidated or nervous. I feel I can be myself, say things without fearing the heavy hand of an oppressive station management on my shoulder - even when the heavy hand of the oppressive management was doing its best to push me into the ground. Sod 'em. When I'm on the air, my name is over the shop. I don't want to be just another dull voice.

Some have been kind enough to say I'm a natural behind a mic, that's kind of them, I suppose I feel that way too, I certainly feel comfortable. What I can't do is banal (which possibly explains why I haven't done much broadcasting in the past two and  a half years). So much of what comes out of the speaker these days is aimed nowhere, at no-one. It's non content. We've all heard it - all those best music mix stations where the DJ is there to press a button and play seven in a row and then read a card and then press another button and play another five 'hits'.

But my biggest gripe is with stations where the presenter is supposed to be more than a juke-box monkey. Those stations where presenters have the opportunity to actually create something on the radio worth LISTENING TO. More often than not they take the easy road to Banalville and opt to give us tit-bits of celebrity trivia - true or not - culled from the Internet and glossy mags. time-checks and weather forecasts masquerade as content. For the most part this is information that no-one needs in their life. They don't put a spin on it, they don't find a line to cap it and they don't do anything to make it entertaining.

Is it the fault of the presenter of the person who hired them? I blame both. Seldom do they have the luxury of a producer producing content. For some reason radio high-ups have got it into their brains that what the public want is the safest product possible - and we all know where safe leads, yup here we are in Banalville again, hop off the bus folks and take a good look around. Nothing here, oh well, at least no-one was offended. Stop it! I'M offended. When I buy a car I want the best product possible - I don't want something made of foam.

Cuddly Ken

But there is a generation of presenters out there who have only heard it done that way. They weren't around to hear Kenny Everett using the FULL capability of radio to make his shows. They didn't hear the pictures Ray Moore conjured up at 6 in the morning and the sainted Wogan's style is a thing of the past. It's no excuse - go find out about the history of your medium - in the past you find the future.

No-one shows them how to make a connection, How to talk through the speaker and connect with the person listening at the other end. Radio is unique, you may have an audience of millions or hundreds of thousands but you're only ever really talking to one person. When I hear presenters addressing their listeners as though they were talking to an audience I shake my head - "Hello, everyone" should be banned. You are talking to one person and that person wants you to be brave - if it's a news programme you have to ask the question they'd ask, if it's entertainment radio entertain them - and never ever explain a joke.

The good ones shine - usually by doing all the things that management tell them not to.
A friend, a fine young broadcaster, got a note the other day to say he had to tell folk it was a joke when he'd read a funny email - just in case they thought it was true. Dear God. We are witnessing the end of comedy - certainly the end of irony.

Can you imagine what this idiot would do if he were set in charge of comedy production somewhere. Every sit-com would be made to flash a message on screen after every joke to remind people that "This is a humorous situation, no factual content should be inferred by the last comment". "Dr Frasier Crane is not really a Psychiatrist" "Tony Soprano is a fictitious imagining".

I once 'found' a secret cave 'under' my chair in the studio. With some echo and dripping water sound effects we explored the cavern and found all manner of stuff. What would that edjit  have made of that? I'd probably have been told to get on my bike and never return.  But I also know that I'd rather have a man/woman on the radio with some imagination that some dry, time-checking, vacuous tart happy to stay safe. 

It's time we took to the streets with flaming torches before the glorious possibilities of radio are destroyed.