Galton and Simpson

I knew there was a reason why a few months back I stuck my toe once more into the sometimes warm, sometimes icy waters of radio broadcasting. I've been hosting a Sunday mid-morning show at BBC Radio Bristol for the past couple of months and have got to talk to some interesting folk. Today I got to talk to two of my writing heroes: Galton and Simpson. A rare and wonderful treat. We chatted for forty five minutes and when I  had to bring our chat to a halt Ray said, "Is that it, we were just getting warmed up".
I could have spent the rest of the day talking Hancock and Steptoe and Frankie Howerd and Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, Les Dawson and so many others. Towering figures in British comedy, all of whom spoke the words of the great men or worked alongside them.

Galton and Simpson cut their teeth or radio variety shows before hitching up with Tony Hancock to produce the greatest comedy of the age, first on radio and then television. Though Hancock eventually discarded them - the worst move not just of his career but of his life - it was Galton and Simpson who flourished.

'The Boys', as they were called, had a profound affect on me. For a start they helped shape what I write and the way I write but they also got me sent out of class for being cheeky to my student teacher.

The eviction from the classroom was at junior school. We had a prim and proper student teacher attached to the class and one day I came in reciting lines from the previous evening's Steptoe and Son - Galton and Simpson's great creation.

"You smells worse than a pair of zoo keepers boots" I offered in my best Harold Steptoe voice. It wasn't directed at her but nonetheless I ended up outside the door. She didn't appreciate Steptoe one bit. She told me the old man was disgusting,  I told her it was funny, she told me it was vulgar and a boy my age shouldn't be watching such things. We argued, I stood my ground - even at 11 I wasn't going to be told what was and wasn't funny by a middle-aged woman who probably had a secret stash of Flanders and Swan records under a bed that never squeaked. Harsh.

Steptoe was funny.  Even as I kid I knew that. But it was so much more. Galton and Simpson got so much depth into what was basically two men in a room, it was extraordinary.

When I came to write Plaza Patrol, a sitcom for comedians Cannon and Ball, I didn't have to look far for inspiration. My characters were two night security officers, they were work mates not father and son - but to me they were two men in a room. I couldn't wait to explore the possibilities that long stretches of doing nothing posed.

I wrote this scene even before I had a story - something you should never do - but the situation allowed it. I could craft moments like this because in the darkest hours men on night shifts get bored and sooner or later someone does something to irritate his mates.

Plaza Patrol wasn't picked up for a second season but it never got figures of less than 7 million. A comedy would die for those figures today.

It was a great pleasure to spend time with The Boys. Though they are now in their eighties the sparkle is still there in their eyes, and a line not from from their lips.