Down on the Farm

I've just watched a BBC comedy drama pilot called The Accidental Farmer.


Cut To:

INT. BBC SCHEDULING DEPARTMENT - NIGHT

August 2010

It's late, it's hot. People want to go home but they can't. The fine young men and women whose job it is to schedule BBC 1 programmes have just one show left to find a home for.

Handsome Guy
What's it called?

Stunningly Attractive Woman
The accident with the farmer.

Cherubic Faced Guy
No, no. The Accidental Farmer.

HG
Another down on the farm with the pigs doc.

CFG
Comedy drama.

SAW
I hate comedy drama. It's so confusing. Is it comedy, is it drama?

CFG
(reading) Ashley Jensen plays a ball-breaking advertising executive who chucks it all in and buys a farm - with her cheating boyfriend's credit card. Hilarity ensues.

HG
Is this the same lovely Ashley Jensen who was warm and vulnerable and soft and cuddly in Extras?

SAW
What kind of hilarity?

HG
I don't see her as a ball-breaker. Who commissioned this?

CFG
It's kinda Cold Comfort Farm for the wi-fi generation.

SAW
It is more comedy than drama or more drama than comedy?

CFG
It's mostly cliches. Ad exec arrives in countryside wearing six inch heels, all the locals are yokels, she chases cows, falls backwards into mud but comes up smiling in the end. Oh and there's a running gag with a gate she can't open - until then end.

SAW
Sounds awful

CFG
Oh, it's much worse than that.


HG
She was good in Ugly Betty. Love Ugly Betty. I like Ashley Jensen.

CFG
The subplot concerns the local Doctor who wants to convert the old farm into a Hotel and Health Spa with the help of Nurse Gladys Emmanuel. He'll try anything to get Ashley Jensen out.

SAW
You've lost me. Did you actually watch this?

CFG
All the way through. Why do you think I was throwing up this morning.

SAW
Can we shelve it?

HG
I like Ashley Jensen. People like Ashley Jensen.

CFG
It's got a little pig in it. Follows her around like a cut hairless puppy.

SAW
Why didn't you say. Put it out three days before Christmas.