Sunday, 3 July 2011

Dumb Dumber Dumbest

Just got back from the Garden Centre where Mrs Lewis looks at all those plants and flowers and shrubs like I eye the displays of Fountain Pens in department stores.

As we were pushing our trolley around the local Heart Radio station was playing. After a particularly inane track we we were treated to this fabulous link, get ready for this, here it comes:

"You're listening to Heart where the Summer is better, it's just after exactly two o'clock".

Just - after - exactly - two o'clock. Mrs Lewis could have spent whatever she liked after that one, I was smiling for minutes.

Having done the job myself I still don't know how some of these guys think the stuff up that they say. It's so...meaningless. I hate presenting radio shows where it's just me and records. I have no feel for it, not unless I've chosen the music (and then it's going to be some eclectic mix that doesn't fit with the playlist of any radio station anymore). That was...this is radio is, as my daughter says "sooooooooo last century" .

My son was listening to BBC Radio One on his bus home from college - he had no choice it was playing on the speakers. When he got in he couldn't wait to tell me that the DJ had just asked his listeners to text him with their favourite FAT JOKES. What?

Reminds me of the female DJ who, not that long ago, asked her listeners to send her 'PADDY JOKES'.

A) Hell-o, we moved on 30 years ago.

B) Don't TELL JOKES ON THE RADIO - it doesn't work.

There are exceptions but generally DJ's are not funny. Not only are they not funny but they don't really GET funny. I hear Jocks retelling other people's stories and gags (badly), I hear them laughing at their lame attempts at humour, I hear them TRYING for humour but tripping and falling down very deep dark wells.

That's why those who ARE genuinely funny stand out in the way they do.

And yet in amongst the "more music" mixes and the "seven in a row" up pops a young man or a young woman who is convinced he/she's the funniest thing born. To be fair, it's mostly the guys who are guilty of the wannabe funny but aren't gene. But the women Jocks have to accept their fair share of criticism too. 

Here's my all time favourite dumb link. When the female Jock spouted this I nearly crashed my car.

Female Jock: "I've just been in the kitchen making myself a coffee and I always stir my drinks clockswise, so I thought what would happen if I stirred it anticlockwise. So, I tried it and d'you know, I couldn't tell the difference".

They should reintroduce capital punishment for links like that.

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